I will always remember the day Jake, my husband, gave me a plan to “become a better wife.” He had no idea that I was about to teach him something very important.
Jake had been influenced by Steve, a loudly passionate coworker who was always single and gave relationship advice. Jake loved how sure of himself Steve was, and I could tell he was changing. He would say mean things about my food, housework, and even how I looked.
It was the last blow for me when Jake gave me “Lisa’s Weekly Routine for Becoming a Better Wife.” My plan told me what to do every minute of every day, from making fancy breakfasts at 5 a.m. to ironing clothes and cooking big meals. I was shocked.
I chose to play along instead of blowing up. I gave Jake a sweet smile and said I’d start the next day. He didn’t know it, but I had a plan.
I made a different plan called “Jake’s Plan for Becoming the Best Husband Ever.” I told him what he’d have to pay for if he wanted me to do his crazy act. It was crazy how much it all cost: $1,200 for a personal trainer, $700 a month for organic food, and $75,000 a year to replace my pay since I was quitting my job to work full-time as his personal assistant.
Jake’s face turned pale when he saw the list. He didn’t know how badly he had done until it was too late. I talked to him about it, and my voice was calm but hurt. “Marriage isn’t about lists or routines; it’s about respect,” I said to her.
Jake was very sad. He said sorry and admitted that Steve’s advice was harmful and insulting. We tore the list up together and promised to be equal again.
That event changed the course of our marriage. Jake learned a useful lesson about how to talk to people and show respect, and I learned more about how valuable I am. We learned again how important it is to be better together instead of trying to “improve” each other.
I learned that sometimes a smart way to get back at someone is all it takes to wake them up. The most important thing is to build a stronger, more loving connection, not to win or lose.
