When my entitled neighbor dumped trash into my house to feed her attention cravings, I channeled ‘The Godfather’ for my EPIC payback. Now she won’t even look me in the eye.
Ever had a neighbor who thought the world revolved around them? You know, the kind who’s always itching for attention and won’t rest until they’ve turned your life into a living nightmare? Welcome to my little slice of suburban hell, brought to you by the one and only Annabelle, or as I like to call her, Miss Evil!
This lady had the audacity to waltz onto my property while I was out and turn my house into her personal dumpster. But if she thought I was gonna sit back and take it, she had another thing coming!
Let me paint you a picture. I’m Kristie, 33, married to my amazing husband Adam. He’s off serving in the Marines, protecting our country like the hero he is.
We’ve got two adorable little rugrats, Bobby and Pete, aged one and three. Oh, and let’s not forget our furry trio—Toby, Ginger, and Snowball, the feline overlords of our household.
We’d just moved to this quiet little neighborhood because it looked like the kind of place where one could actually hear birds chirping instead of car alarms blaring.
I thought it’d be perfect for the kids to run around and make friends, and for the cats to finally live their best outdoor lives.
Everything was going smoothly until our first garbage day rolled around. I’d bagged up everything nice and neat, from potato peels to poopy diapers, and plopped it all in our shiny new garbage container.
The next morning, I dragged that bad boy to the curb at the crack of dawn, feeling like a responsible adult and all.
“Alright, kiddos,” I said, clapping my hands together as I came back inside. “Who’s ready for a little shopping adventure?”
“Me! Me!” Pete squealed, while Bobby just gurgled happily in his high chair.
After a morning of retail therapy and toddler wrangling, we pulled back into our driveway. That’s when I saw it: my pristine patio, now looking like a landfill had exploded on it.
“What in the name of all that’s holy…” I muttered, my jaw practically hitting the floor.
I fumbled with my keys, my hands shaking as I approached the front door. The moment I swung it open, the stench hit me like a freight train.
“Oh. My. God.”
Our hallway, my beautiful, white marble hallway that I scrubbed daily, was buried under a mountain of garbage. Soiled diapers, rotting food, you name it. All of it had been shoved through the letterbox and cat flap like some bonkers version of Santa Claus had visited.
“Mommy, it stinky!” Pete announced, holding his nose dramatically.
“You can say that again, kiddo,” I replied, trying not to gag.
I poked my head out the door, and I swear, it was like a scene from a sitcom. Every single one of our neighbors was either peering out their windows or standing on their lawns, watching us with pity and curiosity.
“Hey there, Kristie!” called Mrs. Johnson from across the street. “Quite a welcome wagon you got there, huh?”
I marched over to her, my mom radar pinging off the charts. “Mrs. Johnson, please tell me you know who did this.”
She leaned in, as if she was about to share state secrets. “Oh honey, it was that Annabelle from down the street. Made quite a show of it too, screaming about ‘teaching the newbies a lesson’ or some nonsense.”
My blood started to boil. “Annabelle? You mean that prissy little thing with the perfect lawn and the designer dog?”
“That’s the one. We call her Miss Evil behind her back.”
“Well,” I said, clenching my fists, “Miss Evil is about to learn that she messed with the wrong person.”
I stormed back into the house. This Annabelle character needed a lesson, and boy, was I in the mood to teach.
“Okay, munchkins,” I said, scooping up Bobby and guiding Pete to the living room. “Mommy’s got some… cleaning to do. Who wants to watch Paw Patrol?”
As the familiar theme song filled the air, I turned my attention to our cats’ litter box. Usually, I’d just dump the whole thing and be done with it. But today? Today called for precision.
I carefully scooped out every last clump, dividing my bounty into two small, thin plastic bags. Each one weighed about a kilo, the perfect ammunition for my revenge.
“Don’t worry, babies,” I cooed to the cats as they watched me with judgy eyes. “Mommy’s just borrowing your presents for a good cause.”
“But why stop there?😈” I thought, a wicked grin spreading across my face.
I marched out of the house on a mission, those two bags of kitty surprises swinging from my hands like the world’s grossest purses.
“Hey, neighbors!” I called out, my voice syrupy sweet. “Anyone here have a dog? Or maybe another cat?”
Mrs. Johnson looked at me like I’d lost my marbles. “Kristie, honey, are you feeling okay?”
“Never better!” I chirped. “Just need to borrow some… pet poop.”
One by one, my confused neighbors handed over little baggies of their pets’ contributions to society. By the time I was done, I had a veritable bouquet of steamy pet poop.
“Um, Kristie?” Mr. Peterson from next door ventured. “What exactly are you planning to do with all that… stuff?”
I grinned, probably looking a bit unhinged. “Oh, nothing much. Just gonna pay our friend Miss Evil a little visit. Anyone care to join me?”
Like some bizarre parade, half the neighborhood followed me down the street to Annabelle’s house.
Her lawn was immaculate, her rosebushes pruned to perfection. It was enough to make me want to barf, or maybe that was just the smell of my cargo.
I rang the doorbell, holding the bags behind my back like some stinky surprise. The door swung open, and there she was—Miss Evil herself, looking like she’d just stepped out of a Home & Garden magazine.
“Can I help you?”
I matched her tone, sugar for sugar. “Oh, Annabelle! I just wanted to thank you for your little… housewarming gift earlier.”
Her smug grin said it all. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Advertisement
“Really?” I pressed. “So you didn’t dump a truckload of garbage into my house this morning?”
She shrugged, not even trying to hide it. “Well, someone had to teach you newbies how things work around here. All that loose trash by the road? Obviously yours. We never had that problem before you showed up.”
“Listen here, you entitled little witch,” I snarled, stepping closer. “If you had half a brain in that perfectly coiffed head of yours, you might’ve, oh I don’t know, talked to me first? Instead of endangering my kids and pets with your little stunt?”
Annabelle’s eyes widened. “Wait a minute—”
But I was on a roll. “No, you wait. You like cleaning so much, right? Here’s a little project for you!”
With all the grace of a major league pitcher, I hurled those bags of pet poop into her pristine hallway. One smacked against her fancy staircase, the other exploded against her living room doorframe. And some splattered on her velvet couch. Ouch!
In seconds, her showcase home looked like a barnyard after a hurricane.
“There you go, Miss Clean!” I shouted over her horrified shriek. “Knock yourself out!”
As Annabelle stood there, mouth gaping like a fish out of water, I delivered my closing speech.
“Let me make this crystal clear. If you ever, and I mean EVER, pull a stunt like that again, I will personally redecorate your precious car with manure. I will make sure every window in this Barbie Dream House of yours gets a new coat of dog poop paint. Do I make myself clear?”
Miss Evil looked like she might faint.
As I turned on my heel and marched back home, I heard a smattering of applause from my slack-jawed neighbors.
Mrs. Johnson rushed up to me, her eyes shining. “Kristie, that was… that was…”
“Legendary?” I supplied with a wink.
She laughed, shaking her head in disbelief. “I’ve never seen anyone stand up to her like that. You’re officially ‘The Godfather’ of this neighborhood!”
Me: 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭
In the weeks that followed, life in our little neighborhood took on a whole new vibe. Annabelle? She kept to herself, scurrying inside whenever she saw me coming.
But everyone else? They couldn’t get enough of the new girl who’d taken down the neighborhood tyrant.
“Hey, Kristie!” Mr. Peterson called out one sunny afternoon as I was watering my flowers. “We’re having a barbecue this weekend. You and the kids want to join us?”
I grinned, feeling a warmth that had nothing to do with the summer heat. “We’d love to! Want me to bring anything?”
He chuckled, a mischievous glint in his eye. “Just yourself. And maybe leave the, uh, ‘special fertilizer’ at home this time, yeah?”
We shared a good laugh over that one. It had become something of a running joke in the neighborhood.
Whenever someone acted a bit too high and mighty, someone would inevitably quip, “Careful, or Kristie might redecorate your house with pet poop!”
As I looked around at the friendly faces, the kids playing together on the sidewalk, even the cats lounging contentedly in the sun, I felt a sense of belonging I hadn’t expected to find so soon.
“You know what, Pete?” I said, scooping up my giggling toddler. “I think we’re gonna like it here after all.”
He planted a sloppy kiss on my cheek. “Love you, Mommy. You’re the best!”
With my son in my arms and my new friends all around, I knew I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. Because sometimes, it takes a little bit of crazy to bring out the best in a community.
So, friends, got any wild tales about entitled neighbors? How’d you handle ’em? Spill the tea in the comments… who knows, you might just inspire the next neighborhood revolution!
